During my childbirth classes and my reading in preparation for my oldest son’s birth, I heard and read lots of scary things that “they” would do to me at the hospital. I was terrified — and wanted to switch to a birth center. “Coincidentally,” the same birth center where we TOOK those childbirth classes. (No agenda there, right?!)

But my husband wasn’t on board, and neither was our insurance company, so I ended up with a hospital birth. I was so happy with it, I did it again two more times, and then I got mad that I’d spent so much time and energy being scared. I eventually founded my other blog, Happy With Hospital Birth, to share my positive birth story, and other moms’, with women.

At any rate, I present you with my List O’ Things That I Was Warned About But Never Happened:
  • That I’d be repeatedly pressured to get an epidural. (In fact, the nurses talked me OUT of one with Eli! Though that may be because I was in transition and ready to push two minutes later.)
  • That I wouldn’t be allowed to move around. (With Natalie, I got in the shower, sat on a ball, walked around, bent over the bed, etc. With the boys, I had no particular desire to move.)
  • That I would be forced to do “purple pushing” and told when/how to push. (Zero for three; in fact, when I was concerned about tearing with my second baby, my OB helped me when I asked her to make sure I pushed very slowly as he crowned.)
  • That I would be forced to lie on my back. (One nurse did suggest this with Matthew. I said no, and that was pretty much the end of it.)
  • That I’d get an episiotomy. (Zero for three again.)
  • That I would have a monitor strapped on continuously that would leave me unable to move around. (A nurse held it up to my belly for a few minutes every now and then.)
  • That the IV — I was GBS-positive for all three kids — would be a horrible bother. (I was in FRICKIN’ LABOR, people. I was NOT concerned about a needle.)
  • That the nurses would be shocked and distressed to see a woman go through labor without meds. (Not in the least. Not terribly impressed, either!)
  • That my baby would be whisked away to the nursery for hours and hours immediately after birth. (Both my oldest babies were put on my chest and left there as long as I wanted. Natalie was covered in thick, old mec, so I held her for a minute, then they listened to her lungs in another corner of the room. They brought her back to me a few minutes later.)
  • That nurses would be just ITCHING to stick a bottle or pacifier in my baby’s mouth at every opportunity. (No one ever did this, or even tried or suggested it.)

Me, with our oldest, clearly traumatized (I actually have one I love, with this really exuberant look on my face, but I’m topless, and also my hair looks like crap, so you get this one instead):